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The Roll of Honour

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Hi, I'm Jeffy - man of God, child of man, man of woman, woman of children, children of the damned, woman of girth. I'm a fish fancier, a fish monger, monger of fish, fish of the sea, seer of all things, thing of beauty, beauty of the world. And a twat. Sniff my citrus fingers!

The Reverend Jeffy Lemonfingers

There are buttons under my fingers - when I press them letters appear on the big rectangle in front of my eyes. Is it magic? Or is it the acid?

Madam Huggerbum Ligament-Straddle

I am bored and wish my husband would be quiet.

Mrs Alix Cazalet Forshaw

It as a great honour and privilege to be invited to address these comments to you via this text input box. I have always endeavoured to embrace modern technology; indeed just recently, I embraced Siri. And then gave him a thorough bumfumble.

Valery Celery-Trappedgas

I am a proud member of my own fan club.

Sir Malcolm Swank

Once upon a long ago I fell in love with a man called Steve. Such a disappointment.

Dame Angela Badfoot-Pong

I collect beer mats. Have you met my aunt? Why are the trees staring? Onion rings.

The Honourable Pleeb

Every time I think of you a small part of my Brian dies. Poor Brian, he'll never see the moon. Elephants are grey, dammit. Writing random things causes beards.

Mr Brian Chuffywimple

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